Book Reviews

The Alchemy of Loss: A Young Widow’s Transformation

by Abigail Carter

McClelland & Stewart Ltd., 2008

To anyone who has ever lost a loved one, Abigail Carter offers hope and inspiration with her new book, The Alchemy of Loss. Having lost her husband during the 9/11 World Trade Centre tragedy, Carter was left with a shattered heart and two children under the age of seven to console. She was an expat Canadian living in New Jersey at the time.

Today, seven years later, she invites us to share her journey from devastation to new beginnings. This book chronicles the tumultuous four years Carter spent trying to come to terms with her loss. It was written as a contribution to what Carter felt was a lack of resources for young, grieving widows. It is a book that she herself wishes she had found in her mid-thirties when her husband passed away.

“I hope that by writing this book I am ‘paying it forward’ by helping others who are enduring loss,” writes Carter, “and that they will find this book and be fortified by the idea that grief is ever-changing, and that with a gargantuan effort and by learning to accept the help of family, friends, and neighbours, they too can overcome whatever fireball life has thrown at them.”

In The Alchemy of Loss, Carter copes with being a single parent, learns to start dating again, and eventually moves across the country. It begins with the day of the bombing and ends with Carter’s move to Seattle.

A critical turning point for Carter was her visit to a local psychic named Concetta, through whom she sought to establish some sort of communication with her deceased husband. This was prompted by an unsolicited message from a Toronto psychic which she received through a friend.

“The Toronto psychic’s unsolicited message, real or not, was a turning point for me, settling my tumultuous thoughts about where Arron might be.” writes Carter. “It gave me faith in the afterlife, which in turn eased my fear of death. The message had been simple and yet it freed me from my own thoughts of Aaron’s last moments; it calmed me. It was only natural that I wanted to explore more, learn more about the afterlife in whatever way I could.”

Yet Carter still worried about whether she was making the right decisions: “I was willing to worship at the altar of the psychic if one could offer me peace of mind about the state or Arron’s afterlife. But I worried that I was attaching too much importance to them, in a desperate attempt to hang on to my dead husband.”

The Alchemy of Loss is an incredibly moving, honest, and deeply personal account of a six-year process that includes bodywork, therapy, massage, and meditation. Instead of offering a tidy solution or step-by-step process like most books about grief, Carter admits that there are no easy answers. Every experience is different, and she has generously shared hers. 

The emotions that come through the pages of this book need no dramatization or embellishment. Carter simply tells it as it happened: a raw account of a very personal yet historic event.

Carter likens these years to alchemy, the process by which a substance (usually of little value) is moulded into something of great value. For Carter it was a process of refining, testing, and ultimately renewal. For us it is an inspiration.

And a reason to hope.

Review by Vanessa Rodriguez

 

Make Every Man Want You

by Marie Forleo

McGraw-Hill, 2008

At first glance Make Every Man Want You may seem like an unlikely contribution to a health and wellness magazine of Vitality’s stature. In fact, this provocative little book is a valuable guide to making the most of all one’s relationships.

Marie Forleo demonstrates how the factors that bolster self-confidence and well-being enrich social life generally and love life in particular. She encourages us to cultivate authenticity, expressiveness, and irresistibility.

Five truths need to be understood to free us from illusions. Life is now. A relationship is a spiritual opportunity, not a needs exchange; and Man is strictly as-is merchandise. As such, he is not convertible into a different kind of man. Other truths are equally compelling.

Reading and understanding something is a far cry from actually doing it. So Forleo has designed a series of action challenges. Practising them is a vital part of growing into new relationships by being irresistible. She is a delightfully wise young woman and at the same time very funny and entertaining as she makes her points.

When we resist an idea or situation we add energy to it. In the new awareness encouraged by this book, we learn to respond rather than react, which allows us to be observant and non-judgmental. Letting go of self-reproach and opening up to self-discovery makes room for compassion, enchantment, and tenderness to enter our lives and overflow into the lives of others. Victimhood is prohibited.

Bad habits need to be overcome. Forleo refers to them as the ultimate man-repellants. Included in her list are such things as incessant insecurity, poor communication, cattiness, and being boring in bed.

Successful relationships occur when we stop looking for validation in the wrong places, and discover our innate irresistibility. We also need to let go of the need to be always “right.” Growth emerges when we have the courage to say “I don’t know” without being afraid we will be thought stupid.

Maturity is another quality to be fostered. It has little to do with chronological age, but its presence augments a person’s attractiveness. It blossoms as we learn to accept responsibility.

Forleo’s wisdom is deep-rooted. She permits no manipulations, tricks, or techniques. Destructive behaviour gives our power away to others.

Honesty and truth do not deteriorate, and humour and fun –  which the author expresses in abundance, are priceless assets. When we take ourselves too seriously we sabotage our relationships. Without resorting to religion she confirms what many teach: nothing outside oneself produces a lasting sense of completeness. This can only come from within.

Becoming a masterful listener is a priceless asset in any relationship. It is as important as trashing our perfect man checklist. What Marie Forleo emphasizes is that we don’t need rules, we need truth – his truth, your truth and your collective truth.

Moving from inner to outer qualities, the “packaging” is examined: clothes, hair, make-up and more. Twenty-one frequently asked questions are addressed to resolve lingering trouble spots.

Make Every Man Want You is an engaging read. Marie Forleo’s vitality and enthusiasm shine throughout the book. She knows how radiant, alive, and irresistible one can become regardless of age. As a life coach she has seen it happen many times. This is one of the most positive books to sound the harmonies of change. Forleo writes from a place of love and spirit and observes the paradox that the more love you give away, the more you have.

Irresistible you!

Review by Gerry Shepherd

 

SELF - Trim and Tone Fast

Conde Nast Publications, Inc.

Koch Entertainment, 2007

We don’t always have the time, energy, or motivation to get out to a fitness class four or five times a week. So an inexpensive and efficient alternative is, of course, exercise videos. There are thousands out there, but I recently came across a strength training one that really impressed me. I am always on the lookout for new material, not only to use in the classes I teach, but also to help improve my own fitness level. Trim and Tone Fast (from the fitness experts at Self Magazine) fit the bill very nicely.

The instructor in this DVD is Kimberly Spreen. An online instructor profile mentions that she only lasted twenty minutes when she participated in her first aerobics class at age eighteen. She is now an international presenter, certified fitness instructor with ACE (American Council on Exercise), and the National Group Fitness Director for Life Time Fitness. Kimberley believes exercise is “empowering, teaching you how to be strong and healthy, and to love yourself from the inside out.” This philosophy comes through in her teaching style: friendly, knowledgeable and motivating. And she wisely emphasizes proper form by focusing the mind on the muscles working, an essential ingredient to a successful exercise program.

Trim and Tone Fast transforms familiar weight-room-style moves (bicep curls, chest presses, squats and lunges) into innovative and challenging combinations. There are six complete five to 16-minute segments: a five minute warm-up and five minute cool-down, sections focusing on the upper and lower body, the core, and finally one that targets the total body. And because it has a programmable menu you can mix and match each sequence to whatever suits your particular fitness needs and goals.

What is particularly appealing about the segments is their amazing variety. Kimberley employs exercises that move through varying ranges of motion, angles, tempos, and complementary exercises (bicep curls with front deltoid raises, and tricep kickbacks with rear deltoid flies, for example), which keeps the whole process engaging and lets your muscles know they are being thoroughly challenged. This is way more than your typical three sets of 12 repetitions of the same exercise.

Although the entire upper body was addressed, I personally felt there was a bit too much emphasis placed on the shoulders. This may just be due to the fact that I often overwork my own shoulders and have suffered from overuse injuries because of it. The lower body work consists mainly of squats and lunges. All the leg work is standing, which may be disappointing if you were expecting some Pilates-like mat work for the hips, thighs and buttocks. The core is well covered, and I have to admit my obliques felt the “burn” after the half roll-up twist segment.

Trim and Tone Fast is a very effective and fun workout. The scenery is gorgeous, shot outdoors at a resort spa in Arizona (which accounts for the somewhat distracting squinting by Kimberly and the other two exercisers). The instructor knows her stuff and gets it across in a way that makes you want to keep going. The variety will keep your interest and will definitely firm and tone all the major muscle groups.

This video will suit beginner and intermediate exercisers. However, beginners may find it a bit too challenging at first. You will need an exercise mat and three to five pound hand weights. The video can be purchased online at www.collagevideo.com

Review by Susannah Kent